Hey...

Hey
Im just sitting here waiting to be tired,seeing as how I had another 4 hour nap today. Yes.four!!
I have been sick today which has made me one mean mama and girlfriend. I just didnt understand why today of all day when the house needed to be cleaned and the girls were both home,I couldnt do anything.I barely left the couch today,other then to run to the  bathroom.
Now Im sitting here just thinking about ,a little bit of everything. We just got a cheque and it pretty much just covered the rent,now I need diapers and milk,groceries among other things,and we really do not have it. We have to now wait again for another week before another cheque comes in the mail..I know I know,at least money is coming but the thing is,we could use it now,not a wk from now. I hate having to borrow money through winter months and be getting a job right now just isnt worth it. the money I would be making would be going right to the babysitter to watch Jaylah while Im gone. Its tough but Im thankful that spring is coming and this winter is over. Its been one hell of a year. Between moving,court,calling off the engagement and everything in between its been so stressful and LONG. I can begin to imagine what 2011 is going to be like. I have big plans this year to start saving for a surgery I want,and to travel with our kids. Id love to take them to Jamaica and or Florida. I love seeing them happy,and want to share my love of travelling with them as much as I possibly can. I am so worried that this year might just break J and I, its been 3 years (5 on and off) and we are still fighting to be together,even though sometimes it just seems like we are fighting. I love him more then most ppl know,even more then what I know at times but things are a lot more complicated now then they have ever been. I want to keep working at it,and so does he. So Im thinking that this will be hard but we are lucky to have each other and as long as I stay focused on that,maybe another year will have come and gone before I know it.
Have to say that Im watching the new Teen Mom and Im in LOVE with it. Jenelle is my fave. yeah yeah yeah say what u will think what you will but this is my blog,my life..I am my own person. LOL. They are all special and great in their own ways. I know this has nothing to do with what I have been talking about but its a pretty big thing in my life.Tuesday nights with the girls from Teen Mom make me feel ,well not so alone.
love me 

First Blog

Hey yall so where do I begin?..Well I am currently living in a small town with my boyfriend and our two children. We have a 4 year old names Vannah and we have a 19 month old named Jaylah. I love them all so much,my life wouldnt be what it is today had it not been for them. I couldnt picture what I would be doing or where I would even be right now. Before my family came along,things werent on the right track. I had too much time on my hands and work just wasnt a option for someone who had an addiction. I didnt want to work and I didnt feel like I needed to. I am soo grateful everyday that I found out about being pregnant,even if I was only 17. Some things happen,and like I already knew ,this happened to me for a reason. Savannah saved me from me. She showed me what true love is,and how it doesnt hurt or cost you anything.You heart,your mind or even your wallet. Savannah is the whole reason  I am where I am today,before her I was a mess!! I couldnt even spell my own name. I know sad and pathetic,but it didnt seem like at the time things in life were going to turn around at all. My parents seperated when I was in highschool grade 10 to be exact and things got worse from then on,until the unplanned blessing which is now my fun loving 4 year old who is at the moment singing Hannah Montana arrived. I was soo scared to be pregnant,to even think about getting big and weird cravings,I didnt want to even think about the actual birth of her let alone go to a doctor and talk about it so openly. I had just gotten used to the idea that I would be moving out soon,now I would be staying at home,getting help and getting healthy. At the time its NOT what I wanted to be doing,but abortion was out of the question,considering I had been there and done that,so this was it,either adoption or parenting.I took some time to consider it all,but the more I looked at my belly,and the cleaner I got the clearer the picture was. I was to parent this child,she was going to save me...Give the strength I couldnt find on my own to stay strong and clean and healthy. This was my big break. Most kids my age,and yes I was a kid..Were talking about applying to college,or finding a new place to live,talking about working two jobs...Not me,I was talking about baby showers,doctors appts,and oddly enough cheesecake which I craved often!! I was busy thinking about my new life to worry about anything else. I was just so happy that I found something I knew I could do. Being a mom is something that I knew I could never just give on cause I was frustrated,it was something I could have all to myself,and something that I knew I could handle. It for me was the best thing in my life to ever happen. Now 4 years later it is the biggest reward in my life to be here with them both. To laugh and play,spend time with them baking and making crafts..Too put them to sleep and kiss them goodnight. To me and for me this is the biggest accomplishment that I could have ever done,and its not even close to being over yet.LOVE me