First Blog

Hey yall so where do I begin?..Well I am currently living in a small town with my boyfriend and our two children. We have a 4 year old names Vannah and we have a 19 month old named Jaylah. I love them all so much,my life wouldnt be what it is today had it not been for them. I couldnt picture what I would be doing or where I would even be right now. Before my family came along,things werent on the right track. I had too much time on my hands and work just wasnt a option for someone who had an addiction. I didnt want to work and I didnt feel like I needed to. I am soo grateful everyday that I found out about being pregnant,even if I was only 17. Some things happen,and like I already knew ,this happened to me for a reason. Savannah saved me from me. She showed me what true love is,and how it doesnt hurt or cost you anything.You heart,your mind or even your wallet. Savannah is the whole reason  I am where I am today,before her I was a mess!! I couldnt even spell my own name. I know sad and pathetic,but it didnt seem like at the time things in life were going to turn around at all. My parents seperated when I was in highschool grade 10 to be exact and things got worse from then on,until the unplanned blessing which is now my fun loving 4 year old who is at the moment singing Hannah Montana arrived. I was soo scared to be pregnant,to even think about getting big and weird cravings,I didnt want to even think about the actual birth of her let alone go to a doctor and talk about it so openly. I had just gotten used to the idea that I would be moving out soon,now I would be staying at home,getting help and getting healthy. At the time its NOT what I wanted to be doing,but abortion was out of the question,considering I had been there and done that,so this was it,either adoption or parenting.I took some time to consider it all,but the more I looked at my belly,and the cleaner I got the clearer the picture was. I was to parent this child,she was going to save me...Give the strength I couldnt find on my own to stay strong and clean and healthy. This was my big break. Most kids my age,and yes I was a kid..Were talking about applying to college,or finding a new place to live,talking about working two jobs...Not me,I was talking about baby showers,doctors appts,and oddly enough cheesecake which I craved often!! I was busy thinking about my new life to worry about anything else. I was just so happy that I found something I knew I could do. Being a mom is something that I knew I could never just give on cause I was frustrated,it was something I could have all to myself,and something that I knew I could handle. It for me was the best thing in my life to ever happen. Now 4 years later it is the biggest reward in my life to be here with them both. To laugh and play,spend time with them baking and making crafts..Too put them to sleep and kiss them goodnight. To me and for me this is the biggest accomplishment that I could have ever done,and its not even close to being over yet.LOVE me